Watching over this again, I still loved it, but for the sake of being helpful, I’ll offer a couple small things I think could have been tweaked a bit to make it even better.
-The hitchiker ghost/■■■■■■ encounter
The concept was excellent and very funny, and well played out. The only thing that felt a bit awkward and out of place was when the cop pulled up and asked what was going on. The guys sit there and try to explain how they are ghostbusters and they are about to bust what they believe is a ghost sitting in the back seat right next to them, and as they are talking about it out loud, she just sort of sits there. Now, in hind sight it makes sense that she wasn’t freaked out because she wasn’t a ghost, but before hand, the GBs weren’t aware of that. Up until that point, they were playing along great at just acting like guys who just wanted to give this girl a ride home, knowing she was a ghost the whole time. Then they give away what they’re up to before they take action and had she been a ghost, she would have had plenty of time to get away.
I would have played it like this:
Plan is going great, then they get pulled over. They panic. Cop approaches and asks what’s up. They look at each other, not sure what to do. Cop asks if they are picking up a prostitute. They start to really get nervous. Suddenly, the driver snaps and shouts DO IT, DO IT!!! The guy in the back springs the trap (I would have made him hide it between him and the door, making it very obvious he was trying to hide something, kind of funny) and the girl is like WTH?!?!
The trap shuts and everyone is in silence as they have an “…aww ■■■■.” moment. Officer makes them step outside the car, etc.
I liked how you hired the cop later. That was great. I felt that maybe the flash back reminding us of who he was could have been a bit quicker, to keep up the comedic timing, but You guys are just starting this up, and there’s room to grow.
I thought the Shaggy part was funny, but I can see where some people could find it cheesy, as the show is sort of portraying a realistic “what-if GBs were everywhere?” scenario, and bringing in stuff like that kind of breaks the tone, if not some sort of 4th wall action.
I think it would have been cool to see you guys actually bust whatever it was in the church basement. Maybe run away, get outside, and realize that you won’t get paid if you don’t do something, so you come up with some sort of hair brained paln of action, go back in, everything goes crazy, plan falls apart, but you still end up busting it. Who knows though, maybe this is something you plan to revisit in future episodes.
I liked the light that flashes around your guys’ cyclotrons. I think it’s very cool that your guys’ packs are kind of customized, but you still look like a team. Like one day, your tech guy looked at the packs and said “I can make these better”, and he actually did it to all the equipment. It makes it look much neater than just everyone’s pack having random parts.
Again, this is off to a great start, and I think it’s the first fan filmed stuff to have serious potential because you’ve embraced that you aren’t making a big budget movie and you don’t have an awesome epic script. It’s the day to day lives of GBs.
You also get huge bonus points for not taking half your lines from GB1 and 2, and not re-using the original theme song.
Well played!
PS
Just one more thing:
I’m not sure if it’s like an in-joke or something, but I think it’d be cooler if it was your guys’ real names on the uniforms, or at least ones that you made up, as opposed to the original characters’ names. Especially when they aren’t spelled right (I’m looking at you, SPANGLER :mrgreen: )